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I have been hoping not to publish this blog, but I knew deep within me that I would eventually have to present it to the world. The increasingly abusive and dangerous developments with a well known and in my view, psychopathic spiritual teacher have created a situation where myself and many others have to step forward further and tell the truth about what she actually is and to stop or at least make the public aware of the damage she is doing to people who follow her processes, in particular young and vulnerable people.
The damage consists of, but is not limited to: encouraging victimhood and mental illness, false claims of abuse, alienating families, implanting and encouraging grotesque details of familial and satanic sexual abuse which includes BDSM, bestiality, child rape, child murder, alien abduction and abuse, government sponsored mind control, encouraging false and superficial cult-like connections with other clients while demonising partners, friends and family members and a host of other twisted and bizarre tales.
The Completion Process is not a new or revolutionary process. The use of regression and hypnotherapy type techniques to uncover repressed memories has been used since at least the 1980’s. All manner of unqualified alternative and fringe therapists have used similar processes where a client is taken into a calm, trance like state and talked into memories either gently or through a ‘trigger’ as in the case of The Completion Process.
In a nutshell: TCP practitioners are taught to use the persons trauma or trigger as a way into their psyche, they use an emotional reaction from external stimuli that triggers them into a “memory”. For example, it is taught through TCP that the smell of a particular cologne will trigger someone into the memory of sexual abuse as a child, as that is the cologne their abuser used to wear, or in the case of TCP clients very often their father. Many have been led to believe it was their own father (and many times with their mother) who were the chief abusers, and more often than not ‘pimped’ out in horrific satanic child abuse ceremonies.
Once the person is in the “memory” of abuse they are then taken deeper and deeper into memories to find the original source of the visualisation, this very often goes into “pre-birth” memories. Then, again through visualisation they are then lead to integrating the child into the adult self and to then find a “happy place” in a treehouse or playing with unicorns or whatever the person feels to do in the visualisation. According to TCP the person has now integrated an aspect of their consciousness that had split off at the point of “trauma”, thereby creating integration and healing the clients subconscious mind.
One young woman who was on stage in Miami in December 2014 was led through TCP by Teal Swan. She was led live, in front of a global online audience and approximately 200 participants in the auditorium into ‘memories’ of her ‘abuse’. When this woman’s mind went blank she was directly told by Ms Swan that she could not recall the memories (when she was a baby) of her extremely severe abuse by those who were close to her, because it was so traumatic and horrific her subconscious was protecting her and she was not at that moment ready to face them. But, rest assured they would surface at some point now they had been ‘triggered’. Over the following weeks and months this woman was witnessed in online forums by myself and many others turn into an emotional and paranoid wreck. Blaming her parents for her satanic ritual abuse, involving sickening and elaborate acts. Convincing herself that her problems in life are due to the mind control abuse and programming she suffered as a child and trying to convince anyone that would listen to her that these things actually happened. She even accused a man publicly, a good and kind man who had offered his home to her and her friend as a place to stay during a visit to his city of raping her. The stress he must have been under would have been unimaginable, in the end he spoke publicly and aired his side of the experience of the sadistic and dangerous experience he was in. The last I heard about this woman was that she somehow ended up stranded in Romania on her way to a Teal Swan workshop in France. (she is american) After that I don’t know what happened to her but a sick feeling in my stomach tells me she will not have a good end.
Ms Swan had no more contact with her after the Miami workshop and avoided her messages and attempts at contact. She was focused on other things, that benefited her personal advancement.
There are three key points that I feel the public needs to be aware of, as to why the process is dangerous and, frankly does not work.
1.Teal Swan has plagiarised The Completion Process from The Presence Process
She claims that she has created TCP as an original and revolutionary new technique, and that it has “healed” her. These are lies, blatant and easily proved. I have personally witnessed her using, scribbling on, highlighting through and using The Presence Process by Michael Brown, telling those around her that ‘It’s the best book I’ve ever come across’. She listened to the audio version incessantly, sometimes on long, all day stretches or on long drives. She has falsely claimed that she has created TCP from her own life experience, divine intuition and “universal perspective”. I have learnt in the past 6 months that it was copied from Brown’s work, and this is how I came to that realisation: In a previous blog I wrote about how I was instrumental in her securing the best deal for TCP. Back then, I still believed in her and did know she used Brown’s work for herself and had erroneously assumed TCP was inspired by it, not plagiarised.
At that time I was not aware of the depth of her lies. When my first blog came out a number of people asked me what I meant when I referred to TCP as “her” process. Her plagiarism was becoming more obvious to me by then and I had realised that TCP was copied from another author. I had replied to 4-5 people telling them that she had indeed copied from Brown’s book and to do their own research.
To my surprise every single person came back to me shocked and surprised at the blatant theft of another authors work. Two even copying paragraphs and sentences that were copied word for word and sending them to me.
They all said that I must speak about this publicly, asked if the original author knew about this and then asking me what can be done about this? It was their reaction that confirmed the truth of this. These were followers of her work that had believed in her and who wanted to believe in her, one who had actually trained with her directly and two that had applied for training. Their shocked reactions confirmed 100% that theft had actually occurred.
Here is an excellent and well researched article that compares and highlights Ms Swans theft and plagiarism from Mr Brown.
I understand that followers of an Indian guru called Swami Nithyananda claim Teal Swan has plagiarised directly from his technique also called ‘The Completion Process’. I cannot say if this is true, it may well be. Having looked at his process it is remarkably similar and she may have stolen from more than one source.
2. False Memories
“The notion that traumatic events can be repressed and later recovered is the most pernicious bit of folklore ever to infect psychology and psychiatry” Professor Richard McNally, Director of Clinical Training in the Department of Psychology at Harvard University. Expert in the field of traumatic stress and memory
This is the most important and dangerous part of TCP that need to be discussed.
The mind does not store memories in a pure, unaffected state. Much research has been done by eminent experts well versed in how the mind and memory work and one aspect of memory is that we don’t remember incidents in their original and unfiltered state. One important point of note is that we remember the last time we remembered. For example the mind will add in details from your childhood birthday party, the people who where there, the type of cake you had the clothes you were wearing, even the party itself may be a false memory. Everytime we go back and think of that party, we only remember the last time we thought of that party, so the people there, the type of cake etc is now a part of the most recent memory that we accessed. This has been proven time and time again by experts called as witnesses in court. Memory is also a composite. It will mix in various thoughts, images, tv shows, movies, other peoples experiences, dreams and various other stimuli that creates a whole new, altered experience that is retrieved from the mind.
Please take a look at the British False Memory Syndrome site for an in-depth and clear explanation of False Memory Syndrome. It has on its advisory board, two Emeritus professors and various other professors, doctors and experts in the field of the psychology, psychiatry and the mind and is a detailed resource to understand how False Memory works and its impact on lives.
Here is an excellent article from The Guardian explaining the very serious ramifications of repressed memory therapies
A case in the UK of a ‘therapist’ recovering false memories of satanic abuse.
I’m not asking you to believe me. But I do recommend you believe the experts and very real experiences of many people, if you’re still thirsty for knowledge take a look at Elizabeth Loftus for leading information on this subject.
Going into a memory to integrate trauma simply does not heal people, in fact it does the opposite and causes damage to peoples lives, families and relationships. It has not worked for Teal Swan why would it work for anyone else? She is falsely claiming TCP to be a panacea for all ills, misleading and damaging vulnerable people. As someone that constantly claims to be “authentic” and “transparent” If she were honest she would inform everyone that she is addicted to anti anxiety medication, doubling her dose in the past year, so addicted it is creating serious long term health problems. 2-3 therapy sessions a week, numerous ‘healers’ and surrounding herself with sycophantic and obsessed ‘fans’. This is how she manages to cope with life – not because of The Completion Process.
And, yes I did think about the ethics of releasing medical data. As someone that has no compunction making public medical diagnoses about people including denigrating ex partners as ‘psychopaths’ and ’emotionally unavailable’ as well as misleading the public that TCP has cured her, I feel it is in the public interest, authentic and transparent to speak the truth about this matter. There are plenty more avenues I can explore including her misleading lies and hypocrisy in parenting, for example. She has no concern about speaking publicly of another woman’s children, even when repeatedly asked not to mention them, and I see no reason why the same courtesy should not be extended to her. But for now, I am still on the fence about that one.
Just very recently Teal Swan’s current husband wrote a blog writing of her memory of watching a little girls murder with boiling water and then having her neck snapped. They wrote of how she integrated the memory and Ms Swan was healed and cured from that particular trauma. I can tell you now with 100% certainty there was no murder of any little girl that she witnessed, if I am wrong what was her name, she said she witnessed this, has she told the police? Was there ever a search for a missing 6 year old girl? Where were her parents? Whole towns are turned over when a child goes missing. The degradation is becoming worse and the lies have to become ever more elaborate and shocking to keep up the facade.
3. The Completion Process Practitioners
If one is to do deep psychological and therapeutic work it is very important that it is carried out by qualified and experienced professionals. TCP practitioners train for 2-3 days, all based around the cult of one infamously vain and narcissitic personality. Many I’m sorry to say are in no state to be working with clients as therapists and ‘healers’. I have known some of them and some are well meaning people, others are frankly unwell and in severe need of therapy themselves. Frequently mixed up with pseudo-psychology and magical thinking, it is a recipe for disaster. Others, particularly the younger ones, the Snowflake Generation tend to have an entitled view of their healing abilities and ‘qualification’. It is narcissism and delusion on an organised scale. Trickling down from the top, to me it looks like children playing ‘doctors and nurses’, but with very real risks for clients.
Examples of ‘qualified’ practitioners:
Just to be clear, none of us are perfect, and I don’t claim to be either, but it truly is a case of the blind leading the blind and the results will be apparent before long.
The Self Help Industry
It’s all about the numbers at the end of the day. The YouTube figures, the numbers at workshops, the Twitter followers, how many ‘Likes’ you have, and the numbers on the ‘old school’ system of the mailing list…nowadays though, online of course.
The self help industry is valued at 7-8 billion dollars per year in the USA alone, and I can assure you that the tentacles of corporate America are well entrenched in the business of self help. Teal Swan was signed to a leading publisher two years ago, a decision I feel they are questioning due to her constant dramas and the disrepute she brings to herself and those that come into contact with her. The issue is that there is no one young and coming up yet with the kind of numbers she brings to a major publisher. If you look at most self help seminars you will notice that the majority of the demographic to be female and 40+. Teal Swan brings a younger demographic, many in their 20’s and more males than usual. This is gold dust to a corporation, and while the numbers are good her position is guaranteed, I think. Business always comes first and Self Help, second. There is nothing wrong with doing well and making money of course but when vulnerable and hurt people are treated as cattle, no more than a statistic or interpreted as dollar signs, then I don’t think this is right.
When the balance of Liability Vs Reward is tipped more towards her being a liability I suspect she will be unceremoniously dropped .
Her publisher was involved with an incident involving one of their seminars and a case of repressed memories
In conclusion, it does not make me happy to write this blog nor, my first one. But many of us are so sick and fed up of Teal Swans lies, hypocrisy and abuse we will tell the truth about her and the damage she is creating in the world. I had intended to take The Black Swan post down and leave this mess of a former relationship with her in the past, where it surely belongs. Unfortunately, I had learnt that yet more disgusting lies were being spread about me, I have no idea why, other than to perhaps try to discredit and hurt my reputation. One could say ignore it, it doesn’t matter, but I’ve had enough. Kindness is abused and treated with disdain, and frankly, I hit my limit a while ago.
I had sent her an email as I noticed that even with all the current lies being spread, she was still using me on her site. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to email when in an annoyed state to her but typical of her she seized on this and posted the email publicly playing the victim card, which she does brilliantly and manipulating her ‘fans’ to feel she is the victim to garner them against me, and others. It’s not the first time she has taken my personal correspondence and made it public, and my patience has run out. Nothing more than a manipulative bully and coward, that uses her position and public profile to attack those that displease her, who then runs and hides becoming a shivering and emotional mess when she is forced to face up to her abuse. I can assure you that neither myself or those that she has abused (of which there are many gathering now) are about to back down to her. I had warned her previously that if she tells lies about people, the truth will be told about her. Some very serious people are looking at her stories and it won’t be too long before the lies unravel publicly.
For The Completion Process practitioners reading this: You have been lied to. It is not her process, it never was. It has not done anything for her, and won’t do anything for you or the people you are working with, if you truly want to help people then please do it properly and train professionally, with experts. A fringe 3 day course does not make someone a trauma healing expert. Go to the original source of TCP, read and study it in its pure, unadulterated form, as it was created and where Ms Swan educated herself. Acknowledge where the information originated and ensure the author receives his dues.
Currently she is drowning in her own effluent, of her own making and seizing onto anything or anyone she can, she’ll suck in anyone and will do anything to save her own skin, my recommendation to the reader is to keep a safe distance. Emotionally and physically. Reminding me somewhat of a mythic beast, like Hydra or Medusa lashing out as a head is being cut off, in its most dangerous state when wounded and about to fall. Unfortunately for me I don’t have a choice anymore in keeping distance, but there we go. Many people wrote to me after my first blog and gave their thanks and support for speaking up, it was quite moving the amount of support I received, much more than I had expected. Many are also addicted to the drama, and for you I would say this: It is a degradation of the spirit. Everything Teal Swan touches, she degrades. I had held off for nearly a year hoping I that I wouldn’t need to go public, but in the end the lies and abuse just increased pace, appearing to have been given permission by my silence. This experience is degrading, embarrassing and humiliating. Everything about her creates an ugly, toxic ripple, a blackening of the soul and by far the smartest thing to do is keep away from malignant narcissists, it’s never a good situation, for anyone, even the person reading this, and especially if you have an emotional reaction reading this. In my case it was either remain silent and be damned or speak up and be damned. The only good that will come out of this situation is for people to gain knowledge and to increase public education on a host of matters and issues. The real teachings are always the ones that aren’t formal ‘teachings’.
I have given you a number of links so you can read up and do your own research. Knowledge is power. From knowledge we can discern and become wiser. Choose wisely, always.
I stand by this blog and by my previous blog. If this triggers a court case for ‘slander’, I welcome it. Or should anyone seek my legal testimony, I am ready and willing to go to court and testify under oath that everything I have said is honest and truthful. There is still much I have not spoken of regarding the ‘leader of the authenticity movement’. Unlike Teal Swan and one of the people close to her I won’t be lying under oath and won’t be committing perjury.
Above all, my sympathy and support goes out to the real victims of severe trauma and abuse. Ms Swan has commercialised suffering and victimhood for financial and egoic gains. I hope with more facts coming out, the voice of actual victims will have greater clarity and strength.
The night I released my first blog I dreamt that I was in a swing above an open sewer, as the swing dropped down I climbed up onto it so not to be immersed in the sewage, I managed to keep most of myself clean but my toes on one foot did dip into the sewage and were covered in it. Tonight I hope my dreams are different, an ice-cream while riding a unicorn would be nice, but unlikely I suspect.
For comments and updates please go to my page here.
To discuss this blog in depth and similar topics, please go to Truth Tribe.
PS. Here is an excellent documentary called Holy Hell. The same patterns and dynamics keep repeating with every new generation, education and awareness is the antidote. A brilliant review of Holy Hell by Gigi Young.
I have an announcement. After my last post I was contacted by the wonderful editor of Sinnreich Magazin, a Swiss publication, with a view to writing a monthly column for them. Here is the first, it is called ‘Diary of an Observer’, and I will post a fresh article at the start of every month.
For the English version, please click here.
For the German version, please click here.
Spending far too much time on this today…enjoy:
New blog coming soon…It will be multilayered and am attempting to weave a connection between some things that at first glance have no relationship.
Out of my sight! Thou dost infest my eyes.
For updates and discussion please click here.
Back for more?
I want to write about an incident that happened a number of years ago, I remembered it when I came across an article written by my ol’ teacher, an article I saw for the first time only yesterday. Even in death, he continues to share his wisdom.
Back in the year 2000, my first job was as a conference organiser for an organisation called Parliamentary Communications Ltd, formerly publishers of ‘The House Magazine’, an internal magazine written by and for politicians, a newsletter for political happenings in Westminster, home of British political life. ‘House’ refers to The Houses of Parliament, it is a very respected and illustrious publication with a long and rich history and edited by MP’s (Members of Parliament) and Peers (Members of the House of Lords).
Under the banner of the magazine my role was to create, manage and deliver workshops and conferences, about 80-100 each year from small gatherings of 20 delegates, explaining the process of law making and various stages of a Bill through Parliament, to conferences with up to 500 delegates outlining the legislative agenda for the coming Parliamentary session.
Clients were lobbyists, trade unions, corporations, trade bodies, interest groups, pressure groups, every kind of organisation you can imagine that had an interest in understanding, and perhaps influencing the political agenda. Speakers were MP’s, Peers, Ministers, Government and Parliamentary officials, and occasionally an academic. My job entailed delivering high quality events presenting the most up to date insight and information. Much was discussed and shared with both an open and closed door policy. As we had key Government and political insiders speak at our events the ‘Chatham House Rule’ was invoked a number of times, ensuring frank and open discussion.
Our office was in a very grand building on Great College Street, literally a stones throw from Parliament itself, and nestled directly behind Westminster Abbey. There was an English Heritage blue plaque on a house close by, informing curious passers by that TE Lawrence had lived there. Politicians and TV crews constantly hurried past on our street to interviews at their favourite spot, College Green. Our company took up all five floors of the building except the first floor which was rented to a Conservative Peer who used it as a base for his corporate work. I was based, with colleagues on the second floor and the accounts department on the ground floor.
One day I had to run through a number of quick meetings with the accounts team and rather than phone, I preferred to keep my body moving so would run down to the ground floor and then run back up to my desk, I hated being sedentary and would take any reason to move my body. At that time, I had just started reading about otherworldly matters and was trying to understand what is beyond the physically obvious, for example, how much do we create, and how much is predetermined, if anything. I was hungry and looking to learn and more importantly, experience all that life in its mysterious wonderment had to offer. It was around 9.30am that I first went down to the accounts department, and after a few minutes I made my way back up…curiously there was a trail of change on the stairs near the bottom of the ground floor. I looked at it, had a moment of guilt then a moment of self assurance and told myself that it was my destiny to collect the trail of loose change as ‘someone up there loves me’, and hey you win some, you lose some, in the end it all balances out so what does it matter. Plus, I convinced myself that it’s not dishonest If I took the money, as how would I find out who lost their change anyway? It was only about £7-8, and besides, that was lunch taken care of.
About 30 minutes later I went back down to speak with the accounts team and walking back up there was another trail of change!! I then realised that it really is my lucky day and someone up there REALLY does love me! I felt that I had been seen somehow and that maybe I had inadvertently tapped into some sort of secret code, kind of like hitting the jackpot on a fruit machine time and time again. This time it was a little less money maybe around £4-5, I felt that the energy passing money to me was like a faucet that would eventually run slowly as the energy dispersed had dissipated.
45 minutes later and I had to see the accounts team again, as I went down I wondered what delights would be in store for me once more. I was not disappointed and this time there was around £2-3 on the stairs in loose change. I assumed it was one person that kept dropping their money and I felt some sympathy for the poor fool.
Two or three more times I went to see the accounts department that morning, and by then I had it in the bag. I knew I had ‘the system’ figured out in some way and that it was my destiny to make this money and I was learning what is possible. Each time there was less money as we got closer to lunch, until it was eventually 1pm and I had picked up around 10 pence on my last trip.
I was by my desk when I stood up to count the money I had made that morning. I was excited about lunch and thought I’d treat myself. I went to collect the change and realised I had nothing in there. NOTHING, NO-THING, NOT ONE THING. I reached further into my pocket and two fingers slipped through a hole and touched the side of my own leg. I couldn’t believe it. My whole world had come crashing down in a moment, the universe had played a cruel and devastating trick on me.
Not only had it fooled with me but it had also charged me a form of ‘dishonesty tax’. I started of the day with around £7-8 in my pocket and every time I had picked up some loose change, it had slipped through the inside of my trousers, it was the same change being recycled in my pocket, AND other people in the building had picked up the change when I was at my desk or speaking with accounts. I didn’t know what to do or say. I had to sit down and look at what this all meant.
After a brief shock I saw the ludicrousness of the situation and shared the story with my colleagues. Still to this day, I can’t quite figure out what the lesson was for me. I know that it had brought out a greed and dishonesty that was played on. I learnt how to sew pockets from that day and always check to see if my pockets have any holes in them. If I ever see loose change on the street, I still pick it up for ‘luck’, but am weary of ‘free’ gifts, I always look for the catch now. There is a balance in all things and as we live in a binary universe, there must always be a Positive and a Negative, and the third part – Neutral, the axis point. With every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and even though it may not be obvious or logical to us at the immediate moment, it is there and the balance will reveal itself in one way or another, in one form or another.
That day was important for me, although it was hilarious in one way, it taught me to be honest. Dishonesty never worked for me, it literally just doesn’t work. Any time I have been tempted to take a short cut or an easy route, it has always come back to me, glaringly obvious that it was not the correct path for me. Although at the time it felt painful, it also somehow felt protective, as if I was being looked after. It may not always pay obvious dividends, but the honest and truthful path is the path of solidity, permanence and longevity. I’ve met some of the most noble and honest people of my life in the political world…true ‘old school’ gentlemen and ladies.
In the future I’ll write about some of these great political characters and what I learnt from them.
If you’d like to read the inspiration for this article, then please click here.
As before if you’d like to stay in touch, and for comments and discussion please like the page Sarb Swan.
Until next time,
Welcome to my site. I have created this blog for a number of reasons; to use as a platform to share thoughts, ideas, observations, to teach subjects both seen and unseen. ‘Diary of an Observer’ came about as many people have messaged me asking me to continue to engage in teachings and share my experiences and observations. I have had initial resistance to ‘teaching’, as I don’t see myself as a teacher….and thought to myself “who am I to be a teacher?”, but then again, who am I NOT to be a teacher? There has been so much interest and kindness from complete strangers asking me to write, speak and communicate, I thought; well let’s try this and see what the response is…plus in my view the quality of the most of the ‘teachers’ out there is average at best (with a few, rare exceptions) and I know I have more useful and interesting experiences and observations that can actually make a difference in people’s lives. So the voice in my head settled on ‘Diary of an Observer’ – a happy medium that created a warm feeling behind my sternum and solar plexus. I’ve always been interested in wisdom and the noble existence we have as humans on this planet. I have always loved to share thoughts, feelings and teachings with friends…and I see this site as a natural extension of a circle of friends and wisdom seekers.
I was married to a woman (who from now on I will refer to as Black Swan) who has some public profile, as a spiritual teacher and self proclaimed ‘celebrity’ and ‘spiritual leader’. If you follow her work and read her blogs you’ll get her version of what went on and how we met and how we eventually parted ways. I prefer to remain silent on such matters preferring my private life to not be a z-list reality tv car crash..but so many half truths, lies and misleading versions of reality have been written about me and others, I now have to speak up and tell the truth. It seems she has no concern or care for the feelings of others and their experience in this whole tawdry saga, only for a self-righteous crusade preaching ‘authenticity’, which is ironic when you know the truth of this situation. But here is the sting for her: The very ‘fame’ Black Swan uses to attack and vilify others will turn on her, it already is doing so…….fame is a very disloyal friend. Black Swan has been open about her quest for fame, riches and celebrity, but then again she couldn’t hide it if she tried. Those that seek it are seeking to fill a void in themselves that they believe will give them the recognition and respect they desperately seek, and in her case a false sense of security. The more fame they get, the more the cavernous void in their chest opens up into their being, and the more they seek to fill that hole, it never ends. It’s a Gollum type of existence and not pretty to observe close up.
Where to begin? There is so much to share, but we have time and are connected now, so all will come now in good time. I will start with clearing up a couple of things that make me look like a fool and in English slang a ‘mug’. Black Swan wrote a blog a few months that she and her partner, a man I will refer to from now on as Gecko had feelings for each other from the moment they met, which incidentally is a few weeks after we were married. This is a lie and her attempt to paint a ‘romantic picture’.
To start with, here are some of the facts to clear up misconceptions and lies that have been promoted:
The real problem in the context of this situation is that she loves attention and adoration from wherever it comes and I could not and did not want to do anything about that. I just had to make a decision whether this was what I wanted in my life, and as you have gathered the answer is a definitive No. If it had not been him, it would have been someone from any handful of passers by that gave her attention, the only reason it is Gecko is because he was the most persistent, sending gifts and emails and finally she could not hold back any longer and she admitted that she had caved in through tears to a friend. The sad part is that she did suffer some child abuse and this has deeply damaged her ability to discern in relationships. Truth is, if she were a person with a high level of self worth, she would not be with him. She constantly used to insult him behind his back, then to do a complete 180 degree turn and claim now she is cured and this is the love of her life, does that sound like a balanced, healthy person?
She mentioned in her latest blog that she had attended SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous), implying she is now ‘sober’. She had attended 1-2 meetings and 3 at most last year, she is not cured, she’s deeply in the grip of her illness, and the most unconscious about it she has ever been. Having to insist a number of times on her blog that she’s sober is an indication of this. Like a drunk who stinks of booze, claiming they are now sober because they went to AA a couple of times. When I went back to London she was shattered and in truth she is still desperately hurt by our break up and like a scavenger, he fed on the rotten carcass of our relationship. She, like a junkie who was trying to sober up and I was really hoping this time she would make a healthy break, was trying to go cold turkey, I even found a residential retreat in California that she could attend for her illness. But, like a pimp, he waved the needle in front of her and in the end she just couldn’t hold off for long enough and the warm, glow of her addiction was pulsating back through in her body again.
It is a pity that she couldn’t just get on with her life and leave me alone to get off with my life. But, part of the illness is that in order to make herself ‘right’, I and others have to be ‘wrong’. ‘This time I am cured, my ex was just a part of my old damaged pattern and now I’m healthy and sober’. By implying and misleading there is something wrong me with, it absolves her of her own responsibility. Everyone knows things will crash hard this time, it’s so predictable, it’s boring, and I have done the best I can to distance myself from this inevitability.
She also lied once more on the latest blog when saying that she has broken her pattern and deliberately waited to get married this time. The fact is she couldn’t get married as she was still married up until a few weeks ago, our divorce only finalising in December, as did his. Each to their own, but no more manipulations or lies will be tolerated. If I am lying, then I openly invite Black Swan to publish the divorce certificate and prove me wrong.
I am saddened that things worked out the way that have done, and that she could not just get on with her life without the abuse. I had expected us to have been friends and remain on good terms for the rest of our lives and feel sad for her in her illness, but she has been so nasty and manipulative to me and others I have decided to step forward with this blog now, as it has been nearly a year since I left Utah and I am still being attacked, directly and indirectly. If she were just able to get on with her life without vilifying me I would not have written this blog, and the others that will follow. I’m also horrified how Gecko’s ex wife has been treated by him and Black Swan, why attack a mother of two kids who is rebuilding her life? That lady has been very dignified and noble in her silence. I think it is shameful to use a public platform, especially one intended to share spiritual teachings as a weapon to attack others.
So now I respond, and I will be responding in full.
I have ‘shadows’ too of course, I’ve never claimed to be perfect, and they have assumed that because I prefer privacy as opposed to an untruthful and misleading ‘openness’ that I would not respond or ever speak publicly, so in the future I will write frankly about my shadows and shortcomings and will explain why they were created in the hope that it can it can inspire and help others, and also to save Black Swan the trouble of ‘exposing’ me.
I will now be addressing every time Black Swan lies, manipulates, deceives and exaggerates. I fully expect her to respond nastily, and certainly the desperate state of victimhood will be milked heartily: ‘Poor me, why did this happen to me, why has my ex husband joined my haters’. I am prepared for all eventualities. I will release a blog around once a week, as and when appropriate. This blog is an introduction, a flavour of things to come, and is longer than I expected it to be. I will release some documents that will authenticate and confirm what I write. I will give a voice to the voiceless, and I will expose lies, deceit and inauthenticity.
I will also be writing about much more interesting and useful topics, and will eventually focus only on these topics, that enhance our life experience. These will include the ‘5 Minute Masterclass’ series, ‘Economy of Movement’, and a new take on ‘Honouring our Ancestors’ for example. I want you to join me on this journey. Pursuing fame and posting photos of myself doesn’t interest me, I’m interested in sharing this journey with like minded people and seeing what emerges from this, and where it leads us. I also feel a responsibility to honour the legacy of my dear friend and teacher, Stuart Wilde. I will pay respect to his teachings.
Finally, Thankyou to all the people that have written to me asking me to speak, write and to create a platform. I have done this because you have asked me. Thankyou for your emails and messages of support. It is remarkable to me to still receive daily messages from people from all over the world, having never met and to receive so much kindness and warmth from complete strangers. I endeavour to reply to each and every person, forgive me if I have not done so yet.
I’ll develop this site, and if you want to keep in touch, receive updates and take part in discussion, please click on this link: Sarb Swan.
Now, let the games begin.
See you around.