The Completion Process

Hello Reader,

I have been hoping not to publish this blog, but I knew deep within me that I would eventually have to present it to the world. The increasingly abusive and dangerous developments with a well known and in my view, psychopathic spiritual teacher have created a situation where myself and many others have to step forward further and tell the truth about what she actually is and to stop or at least make the public aware of the damage she is doing to people who follow her processes, in particular young and vulnerable people.

The damage consists of, but is not limited to: encouraging victimhood and mental illness, false claims of abuse, alienating families, implanting and encouraging grotesque details of familial and satanic sexual abuse which includes BDSM, bestiality, child rape, child murder, alien abduction and abuse, government sponsored mind control, encouraging false and superficial cult-like connections with other clients while demonising partners, friends and family members and a host of other twisted and bizarre tales.

The Process

The Completion Process is not a new or revolutionary process. The use of regression and hypnotherapy type techniques to uncover repressed memories has been used since at least the 1980’s. All manner of unqualified alternative and fringe therapists have used similar processes where a client is taken into a calm, trance like state and talked into memories either gently or through a ‘trigger’ as in the case of The Completion Process.

In a nutshell: TCP practitioners are taught to use the persons trauma or trigger as a way into their psyche, they use an emotional reaction from external stimuli that triggers them into a “memory”. For example, it is taught through TCP that the smell of a particular cologne will trigger someone into the memory of sexual abuse as a child, as that is the cologne their abuser used to wear, or in the case of TCP clients very often their father. Many have been led to believe it was their own father (and many times with their mother) who were the chief abusers, and more often than not ‘pimped’ out in horrific satanic child abuse ceremonies.

Once the person is in the “memory” of abuse they are then taken deeper and deeper into memories to find the original source of the visualisation, this very often goes into “pre-birth” memories. Then, again through visualisation they are then lead to integrating the child into the adult self and to then find a “happy place” in a treehouse or playing with unicorns or whatever the person feels to do in the visualisation. According to TCP the person has now integrated an aspect of their consciousness that had split off at the point of “trauma”, thereby creating integration and healing the clients subconscious mind.

One young woman who was on stage in Miami in December 2014 was led through TCP by Teal Swan. She was led live, in front of a global online audience and approximately 200 participants in the auditorium into ‘memories’ of her ‘abuse’. When this woman’s mind went blank she was directly told by Ms Swan that she could not recall the memories (when she was a baby) of her extremely severe abuse by those who were close to her, because it was so traumatic and horrific her subconscious was protecting her and she was not at that moment ready to face them. But, rest assured they would surface at some point now they had been ‘triggered’. Over the following weeks and months this woman was witnessed in online forums by myself and many others turn into an emotional and paranoid wreck. Blaming her parents for her satanic ritual abuse, involving sickening and elaborate acts. Convincing herself that her problems in life are due to the mind control abuse and programming she suffered as a child and trying to convince anyone that would listen to her that these things actually happened. She even accused a man publicly, a good and kind man who had offered his home to her and her friend as a place to stay during a visit to his city of raping her. The stress he must have been under would have been unimaginable, in the end he spoke publicly and aired his side of the experience of the sadistic and dangerous experience he was in. The last I heard about this woman was that she somehow ended up stranded in Romania on her way to a Teal Swan workshop in France. (she is american) After that I don’t know what happened to her but a sick feeling in my stomach tells me she will not have a good end.

Ms Swan had no more contact with her after the Miami workshop and avoided her messages and attempts at contact. She was focused on other things, that benefited her personal advancement.

There are three key points that I feel the public needs to be aware of, as to why the process is dangerous and, frankly does not work.

1.Teal Swan has plagiarised The Completion Process from The Presence Process

She claims that she has created TCP as an original and revolutionary new technique, and that it has “healed” her. These are lies, blatant and easily proved. I have personally witnessed her using, scribbling on, highlighting through and using The Presence Process by Michael Brown, telling those around her that ‘It’s the best book I’ve ever come across’. She listened to the audio version incessantly, sometimes on long, all day stretches or on long drives. She has falsely claimed that she has created TCP from her own life experience, divine intuition and “universal perspective”. I have learnt in the past 6 months that it was copied from Brown’s work, and this is how I came to that realisation: In a previous blog I wrote about how I was instrumental in her securing the best deal for TCP. Back then, I still believed in her and did know she used Brown’s work for herself and had erroneously assumed TCP was inspired by it, not plagiarised.

At that time I was not aware of the depth of her lies. When my first blog came out a number of people asked me what I meant when I referred to TCP as “her” process. Her plagiarism was becoming more obvious to me by then and I had realised that TCP was copied from another author. I had replied to 4-5 people telling them that she had indeed copied from Brown’s book and to do their own research.

To my surprise every single person came back to me shocked and surprised at the blatant theft of another authors work. Two even copying paragraphs and sentences that were copied word for word and sending them to me.  

They all said that I must speak about this publicly, asked if the original author knew about this and then asking me what can be done about this? It was their reaction that confirmed the truth of this. These were followers of her work that had believed in her and who wanted to believe in her, one who had actually trained with her directly and two that had applied for training. Their shocked reactions confirmed 100% that theft had actually occurred.

Here is an excellent and well researched article that compares and highlights Ms Swans theft and plagiarism from Mr Brown.

I understand that followers of an Indian guru called Swami Nithyananda claim Teal Swan has plagiarised directly from his technique also called ‘The Completion Process’. I cannot say if this is true, it may well be. Having looked at his process it is remarkably similar and she may have stolen from more than one source.

2. False Memories

“The notion that traumatic events can be repressed and later recovered is the most pernicious bit of folklore ever to infect psychology and psychiatry”                                                           Professor Richard McNally, Director of Clinical Training in the Department of Psychology at Harvard University. Expert in the field of traumatic stress and memory

This is the most important and dangerous part of TCP that need to be discussed.

The mind does not store memories in a pure, unaffected state. Much research has been done by eminent experts well versed in how the mind and memory work and one aspect of memory is that we don’t remember incidents in their original and unfiltered state. One important point of note is that we remember the last time we remembered. For example the mind will add in details from your childhood birthday party, the people who where there, the type of cake you had the clothes you were wearing, even the party itself may be a false memory. Everytime we go back and think of that party, we only remember the last time we thought of that party, so the people there, the type of cake etc is now a part of the most recent memory that we accessed. This has been proven time and time again by experts called as witnesses in court. Memory is also a composite. It will mix in various thoughts, images, tv shows, movies, other peoples experiences, dreams and various other stimuli that creates a whole new, altered experience that is retrieved from the mind.

Please take a look at the British False Memory Syndrome site for an in-depth and clear explanation of False Memory Syndrome. It has on its advisory board, two Emeritus professors and various other professors, doctors and experts in the field of the psychology, psychiatry and the mind and is a detailed resource to understand how False Memory works and its impact on lives.

Here is an excellent article from The Guardian explaining the very serious ramifications of repressed memory therapies

These are extremely informative pieces from Vice looking at False Memories and Satanic Abuse.

A case in the UK of a ‘therapist’ recovering false memories of satanic abuse.

How False Memories are created.

I’m not asking you to believe me. But I do recommend you believe the experts and very real experiences of many people, if you’re still thirsty for knowledge take a look at Elizabeth Loftus for leading information on this subject.

Going into a memory to integrate trauma simply does not heal people, in fact it does the opposite and causes damage to peoples lives, families and relationships. It has not worked for Teal Swan why would it work for anyone else? She is falsely claiming TCP to be a panacea for all ills, misleading and damaging vulnerable people. As someone that constantly claims to be “authentic” and “transparent” If she were honest she would inform everyone that she is addicted to anti anxiety medication, doubling her dose in the past year, so addicted it is creating serious long term health problems. 2-3 therapy sessions a week, numerous ‘healers’ and surrounding herself with sycophantic and obsessed ‘fans’. This is how she manages to cope with life – not because of The Completion Process.

And, yes I did think about the ethics of releasing medical data. As someone that has no compunction making public medical diagnoses about people including denigrating ex partners as ‘psychopaths’ and ’emotionally unavailable’ as well as misleading the public that TCP has cured her, I feel it is in the public interest, authentic and transparent to speak the truth about this matter. There are plenty more avenues I can explore including her misleading lies and hypocrisy in parenting, for example. She has no concern about speaking publicly of another woman’s children, even when repeatedly asked not to mention them, and I see no reason why the same courtesy should not be extended to her. But for now, I am still on the fence about that one.

Just very recently Teal Swan’s current husband wrote a blog writing of her memory of watching a little girls murder with boiling water and then having her neck snapped. They wrote of how she integrated the memory and Ms Swan was healed and cured from that particular trauma. I can tell you now with 100% certainty there was no murder of any little girl that she witnessed, if I am wrong what was her name, she said she witnessed this, has she told the police? Was there ever a search for a missing 6 year old girl? Where were her parents? Whole towns are turned over when a child goes missing. The degradation is becoming worse and the lies have to become ever more elaborate and shocking to keep up the facade.

3. The Completion Process Practitioners

If one is to do deep psychological and therapeutic work it is very important that it is carried out by qualified and experienced professionals. TCP practitioners train for 2-3 days, all based around the cult of one infamously vain and narcissitic personality. Many I’m sorry to say are in no state to be working with clients as therapists and ‘healers’. I have known some of them and some are well meaning people, others are frankly unwell and in severe need of therapy themselves. Frequently mixed up with pseudo-psychology and magical thinking, it is a recipe for disaster. Others, particularly the younger ones, the Snowflake Generation tend to have an entitled view of their healing abilities and ‘qualification’. It is narcissism and delusion on an organised scale. Trickling down from the top, to me it looks like children playing ‘doctors and nurses’, but with very real risks for clients.

Examples of ‘qualified’ practitioners:

  • One young woman, her whole life devoted as personal maid to Teal Swan, in her late 20’s. No education, never had a job, never had a relationship, never been on a date even. No life experience except an uncomfortable obsession and servility towards Ms Swan. So devoted to her master that she recently had one of her quotes tattooed onto her back with a very obvious spelling mistake carried from the original text. It reminded me of cattle branded by its owner. It was the perfect illustration to a point I wanted to make that the sick healing the sick only leads to more sickness and the blind leading the blind will lead everyone off a cliff. Once asked whether she intended to make contact with her family again, her response was “my parents were my abusers and my dad was my Ron”. Ron XXXX is the alleged abuser referred to as “Doc” numerous times publicly by Ms Swan and privately sharing his identity with many people over the years. I’m thinking of getting to the bottom of who is lying; either a man is murdering and raping children in satanic ritual ceremonies or Teal Swan is a fantasist and liar and this person has been most maligned by her. Either way, she is the only one that is directly profiting and benefiting from this story, and everyone else is a pawn to be used for her personal ambitions. I would like to see her facing him, in court one day held to account for her numerous and ugly accusations. Personally, I think she is a complete and utter liar and will do or say anything that benefits her. I have no objection if this will trigger legal action so her lies can be scrutinised publicly by professionals. She is terrified of being held to account, because she will be exposed. 
  • A self proclaimed expert on health, diet and weight loss. Clearly and obviously no expertise or experience in what is advertised, lying and misleading vulnerable people. Having your own struggles with weight does not make you an expert in advising others to lose weight. If your car keeps breaking down, that does not qualify you as a mechanic. It is this ass-backward, asinine logic, encouraged by Ms Swan that is at the core of the problems that will eventually surface in real life problems for TCP clients.
  • Another young woman, sadly had to resort to prostitution to pay for her travels and course fees for TCP, I had met her briefly approximately 18 months ago and was informed that she needed to be taken away from the man she was staying with, as he was a “sociopath and dangerous”. Two of us drove her to the property and took her away, with her luggage. I understand she was beaten up by her clients while working as a prostitute and is now a qualified TCP practitioner, advising others how to have healthy relationships, amongst other things. Good for her for working to change her life, but I just feel that a person who has those experiences needs to truly heal themselves first before looking to ‘heal’ others or it will only create more dysfunction, but this time with the addition of memory regression techniques.

Just to be clear, none of us are perfect, and I don’t claim to be either, but it truly is a case of the blind leading the blind and the results will be apparent before long.

The Self Help Industry

It’s all about the numbers at the end of the day. The YouTube figures, the numbers at workshops, the Twitter followers, how many ‘Likes’ you have, and the numbers on the ‘old school’ system of the mailing list…nowadays though, online of course.

The self help industry is valued at 7-8 billion dollars per year in the USA alone, and I can assure you that the tentacles of corporate America are well entrenched in the business of self help. Teal Swan was signed to a leading publisher two years ago, a decision I feel they are questioning due to her constant dramas and the disrepute she brings to herself and those that come into contact with her. The issue is that there is no one young and coming up yet with the kind of numbers she brings to a major publisher. If you look at most self help seminars you will notice that the majority of the demographic to be female and 40+. Teal Swan brings a younger demographic, many in their 20’s and more males than usual. This is gold dust to a corporation, and while the numbers are good her position is guaranteed, I think. Business always comes first and Self Help, second. There is nothing wrong with doing well and making money of course but when vulnerable and hurt people are treated as cattle, no more than a statistic or interpreted as dollar signs, then I don’t think this is right.

When the balance of Liability Vs Reward is tipped more towards her being a liability I suspect she will be unceremoniously dropped .

Her publisher was involved with an incident involving one of their seminars and a case of repressed memories

In conclusion, it does not make me happy to write this blog nor, my first one. But many of us are so sick and fed up of Teal Swans lies, hypocrisy and abuse we will tell the truth about her and the damage she is creating in the world. I had intended to take The Black Swan post down and leave this mess of a former relationship with her in the past, where it surely belongs. Unfortunately, I had learnt that yet more disgusting lies were being spread about me, I have no idea why, other than to perhaps try to discredit and hurt my reputation. One could say ignore it, it doesn’t matter, but I’ve had enough. Kindness is abused and treated with disdain, and frankly, I hit my limit a while ago.

I had sent her an email as I noticed that even with all the current lies being spread, she was still using me on her site. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to email when in an annoyed state to her but typical of her she seized on this and posted the email publicly playing the victim card, which she does brilliantly and manipulating her ‘fans’ to feel she is the victim to garner them against me, and others. It’s not the first time she has taken my personal correspondence and made it public, and my patience has run out. Nothing more than a manipulative bully and coward, that uses her position and public profile to attack those that displease her, who then runs and  hides becoming a shivering and emotional mess when she is forced to face up to her abuse. I can assure you that neither myself or those that she has abused (of which there are many gathering now) are about to back down to her. I had warned her previously that if she tells lies about people, the truth will be told about her. Some very serious people are looking at her stories and it won’t be too long before the lies unravel publicly.

For The Completion Process practitioners reading this: You have been lied to. It is not her process, it never was. It has not done anything for her, and won’t do anything for you or the people you are working with, if you truly want to help people then please do it properly and train professionally, with experts. A fringe 3 day course does not make someone a trauma healing expert. Go to the original source of TCP, read and study it in its pure, unadulterated form, as it was created and where Ms Swan educated herself. Acknowledge where the information originated and ensure the author receives his dues.

Currently she is drowning in her own effluent, of her own making and seizing onto anything or anyone she can, she’ll suck in anyone and will do anything to save her own skin, my recommendation to the reader is to keep a safe distance. Emotionally and physically. Reminding me somewhat of a mythic beast, like Hydra or Medusa lashing out as a head is being cut off, in its most dangerous state when wounded and about to fall. Unfortunately for me I don’t have a choice anymore in keeping distance, but there we go. Many people wrote to me after my first blog and gave their thanks and support for speaking up, it was quite moving the amount of support I received, much more than I had expected. Many are also addicted to the drama, and for you I would say this: It is a degradation of the spirit. Everything Teal Swan touches, she degrades. I had held off for nearly a year hoping I that I wouldn’t need to go public, but in the end  the lies and abuse just increased pace, appearing to have been given permission by my silence. This experience is degrading, embarrassing and humiliating. Everything about her creates an ugly, toxic ripple, a blackening of the soul and by far the smartest thing to do is keep away from malignant narcissists, it’s never a good situation, for anyone, even the person reading this, and especially if you have an emotional reaction reading this. In my case it was either remain silent and be damned or speak up and be damned. The only good that will come out of this situation is for people to gain knowledge and to increase public education on a host of matters and issues. The real teachings are always the ones that aren’t formal ‘teachings’.

I have given you a number of links so you can read up and do your own research. Knowledge is power. From knowledge we can discern and become wiser. Choose wisely, always.

I stand by this blog and by my previous blog. If this triggers a court case for ‘slander’, I welcome it. Or should anyone seek my legal testimony, I am ready and willing to go to court and testify under oath that everything I have said is honest and truthful. There is still much I have not spoken of regarding the ‘leader of the authenticity movement’. Unlike Teal Swan and one of the people close to her I won’t be lying under oath and won’t be committing perjury.

Above all, my sympathy and support goes out to the real victims of severe trauma and abuse. Ms Swan has commercialised suffering and victimhood for financial and egoic gains. I hope with more facts coming out, the voice of actual victims will have greater clarity and strength.

The night I released my first blog I dreamt that I was in a swing above an open sewer, as the swing dropped down I climbed up onto it so not to be immersed in the sewage, I managed to keep most of myself clean but my toes on one foot did dip into the sewage and were covered in it. Tonight I hope my dreams are different, an ice-cream while riding a unicorn would be nice, but unlikely I suspect.

For comments and updates please go to my page here.

To discuss this blog in depth and similar topics, please go to Truth Tribe.

Goodnight,

Sarb

PS. Here is an excellent documentary called Holy Hell. The same patterns and dynamics keep repeating with every new generation, education and awareness is the antidote. A brilliant review of Holy Hell by Gigi Young.

Sinnreich Magazin – Diary of an Observer – June

 

Greetings all,

I have an announcement. After my last post I was contacted by the wonderful editor of Sinnreich Magazin, a Swiss publication, with a view to writing a monthly column for them. Here is the first, it is called ‘Diary of an Observer’, and I will post a fresh article at the start of every month.

For the English version, please click here.

For the German version, please click here.

Best wishes,

Sarbdeep

 

 

 

 

There’s One Born Every Minute

Back for more?

Welcome, friends.

I want to write about an incident that happened a number of years ago, I remembered it when I came across an article written by my ol’ teacher, an article I saw for the first time only yesterday. Even in death, he continues to share his wisdom.

Back in the year 2000, my first job was as a conference organiser for an organisation called Parliamentary Communications Ltd, formerly publishers of ‘The House Magazine’, an internal magazine written by and for politicians, a newsletter for political happenings in Westminster, home of British political life. ‘House’ refers to The Houses of Parliament, it is a very respected and illustrious publication with a long and rich history and edited by MP’s (Members of Parliament) and Peers (Members of the House of Lords).

Under the banner of the magazine my role was to create, manage and deliver workshops and conferences, about 80-100 each year from small gatherings of 20 delegates, explaining the process of law making and  various stages  of a Bill through Parliament, to conferences with up to 500 delegates outlining the legislative agenda for the coming Parliamentary session.

Clients were lobbyists, trade unions, corporations, trade bodies, interest groups, pressure groups, every kind of organisation you can imagine that had an interest in understanding, and perhaps influencing the political agenda. Speakers were MP’s, Peers, Ministers, Government and Parliamentary officials, and occasionally an academic. My job entailed delivering high quality events presenting the most up to date insight and information. Much was discussed and shared with both an open and closed door policy. As we had key Government and political insiders speak at our events the ‘Chatham House Rule’ was invoked a number of times, ensuring frank and open discussion.

Our office was in a very grand building on Great College Street, literally a stones throw from Parliament itself, and nestled directly behind Westminster Abbey. GreatCollegeStThere was an English Heritage blue plaque on a house close by, informing curious passers by that TE Lawrence had lived there. Politicians and TV crews constantly hurried past on our street to interviews at their favourite spot, College Green. Our company took up all five floors of the building except the first floor which was rented to a Conservative Peer who used it as a base for his corporate work. I was based, with colleagues on the second floor and the accounts department on the ground floor.

One day I had to run through a number of quick meetings with the accounts team and rather than phone, I preferred to keep my body moving so would run down to the ground floor and then run back up to my desk, I hated being sedentary and would take any reason to move my body. At that time, I had just started reading about otherworldly matters and was trying to understand what is beyond the physically obvious, for example, how much do we create, and how much is predetermined, if anything. I was hungry and looking to learn and more importantly, experience all that life in its mysterious wonderment had to offer. It was around 9.30am that I first went down to the accounts department, and after a few minutes I made my way back up…curiously there was a trail of change on the stairs near the bottom of the ground floor. I looked at it, had a moment of guilt then a moment of self assurance and told myself that it was my destiny to collect the trail of loose change as ‘someone up there loves me’, and hey you win some, you lose some, in the end it all balances out so what does it matter. Plus, I convinced myself that it’s not dishonest If I took the money, as how would I find out who lost their change anyway? It was only about £7-8, and besides, that was lunch taken care of.

About 30 minutes later I went back down to speak with the accounts team and walking back up there was another trail of change!! I then realised that it really is my lucky day and someone up there REALLY does love me! I felt that I had been seen somehow and that maybe I had inadvertently tapped into some sort of secret code, kind of like hitting the jackpot on a fruit machine time and time again. This time it was a little less money maybe around £4-5, I felt that the energy passing money to me was like a faucet that would eventually run slowly as the energy dispersed had dissipated.

45 minutes later and I had to see the accounts team again, as I went down I wondered what delights would be in store for me once more. I was not disappointed and this time there was around £2-3 on the stairs in loose change. I assumed it was one person that kept dropping their money and I felt some sympathy for the poor fool.

Two or three more times I went to see the accounts department that morning, and by then I had it in the bag. I knew I had ‘the system’ figured out in some way and that it was my destiny to make this money and I was learning what is possible. Each time there was less money as we got closer to lunch, until it was eventually 1pm and I had picked up around 10 pence on my last trip.

I was by my desk when I stood up to count the money I had made that morning. I was excited about lunch and thought I’d treat myself. I went to collect the change and realised I had nothing in there. NOTHING, NO-THING, NOT ONE THING. I reached further into my pocket and two fingers slipped through a hole and touched the side of my own leg. I couldn’t believe it. My whole world had come crashing down in a moment, the universe had played a cruel and devastating trick on me.

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Not only had it fooled with me but it had also charged me a form of ‘dishonesty tax’. I started of the day with around £7-8 in my pocket and every time I had picked up some loose change, it had slipped through the inside of my trousers, it was the same change being recycled in my pocket, AND other people in the building had picked up the change when I was at my desk or speaking with accounts. I didn’t know what to do or say. I had to sit down and look at what this all meant.

After a brief shock I saw the ludicrousness of the situation and shared the story with my colleagues. Still to this day, I can’t quite figure out what the lesson was for me. I know that it had brought out a greed and dishonesty that was played on. I learnt how to sew pockets from that day and always check to see if my pockets have any holes in them. If I ever see loose change on the street, I still pick it up for ‘luck’, but am weary of ‘free’ gifts, I always look for the catch now. There is a balance in all things and as we live in a binary universe, there must always be a Positive and a Negative, and the third part – Neutral, the axis point. With every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and even though it may not be obvious or logical to us at the immediate moment, it is there and the balance will reveal itself in one way or another, in one form or another.

That day was important for me, although it was hilarious in one way, it taught me to be honest. Dishonesty never worked for me, it literally just doesn’t work. Any time I have been tempted to take a short cut or an easy route, it has always come back to me, glaringly obvious that it was not the correct path for me. Although at the time it felt painful, it also somehow felt protective, as if I was being looked after. It may not always pay obvious dividends, but the honest and truthful path is the path of solidity, permanence and longevity. I’ve met some of the most noble and honest people of my life in the political world…true ‘old school’ gentlemen and ladies.

In the future I’ll write about some of these great political characters and what I learnt from them.

If you’d like to read the inspiration for this article, then please click here.

As before if you’d like to stay in touch, and for comments and discussion please like the page Sarb Swan.

Until next time,

Sarbs

 

The Black Swan

Welcome to my site. I have created this blog for a number of reasons; to use as a platform to share thoughts, ideas, observations, to teach subjects both seen and unseen. ‘Diary of an Observer’ came about as many people have messaged me asking me to continue to engage in teachings and share my experiences and observations. I have had initial resistance to ‘teaching’, as I don’t see myself as a teacher….and thought to myself “who am I to be a teacher?”, but then again, who am I NOT to be a teacher?  There has been so much interest and kindness from complete strangers asking me to write, speak and communicate, I thought; well let’s try this and see what the response is…plus in my view the quality of the most of the ‘teachers’ out there is average at best (with a few, rare exceptions) and I know I have more useful and interesting experiences and observations that can actually make a difference in people’s lives. So the voice in my head settled on ‘Diary of an Observer’ – a happy medium that created a warm feeling behind my sternum and solar plexus. I’ve always been interested in wisdom and the noble existence we have as humans on this planet. I have always loved to share thoughts, feelings and teachings with friends…and I see this site as a natural extension of a circle of friends and wisdom seekers.

I was married to a woman (who from now on I will refer to as Black Swan) who has some public profile, as a spiritual teacher and self proclaimed ‘celebrity’ and ‘spiritual leader’. If you follow her work and read her blogs you’ll get her version of what went on and how we met and how we eventually parted ways. I prefer to remain silent on such matters preferring my private life to not be a z-list reality tv car crash..but so many half truths, lies and misleading versions of reality have been written about me and others, I now have to speak up and tell BlackSwanthe truth. It seems she has no concern or care for the feelings of others and their experience in this whole tawdry saga, only for a self-righteous crusade preaching ‘authenticity’, which is ironic when you know the truth of this situation. But here is the sting for her: The very ‘fame’ Black Swan uses to attack and vilify others will turn on her, it already is doing so…….fame is a very disloyal friend. Black Swan has been open about her quest for fame, riches and celebrity, but then again she couldn’t hide it if she tried. Those that seek it are seeking to fill a void in themselves that they believe will give them the recognition and respect they desperately seek, and in her case a false sense of security. The more fame they get, the more the cavernous void in their chest opens up into their being, and the more they seek to fill that hole, it never ends. It’s a Gollum type of existence and not pretty to observe close up.

Where to begin? There is so much to share, but we have time and are connected now, so all will come now in good time. I will start with clearing up a couple of things that make me look like a fool and in English slang a ‘mug’. Black Swan wrote a blog a few months that she and her partner, a man I will refer to from now on as Gecko had feelings for each other from the moment they met, which incidentally is a few weeks after we were married. This is a lie and her attempt to paint a ‘romantic picture’.

To start with, here are some of the facts to clear up misconceptions and lies that have been promoted:

  • Gecko was pursuing Black Swan from the moment they met (Jan/Feb 2014). Professing a sleazy ‘love’ for Black Swan, while his wife and children were at home in San Francisco, and we were newlyweds.
  • I have no respect for men that cheat on their wives, especially if they have carried their children. Any man that is not loyal to the mother of his children, has no loyalty to anyone.
  • Black Swan after every meeting with him, would mock his accent and refer to him as ‘Vile’ and ‘Sleazy’, regularly. But was still happy to receive his gifts and attention.
  • Our marriage did not ‘unravel’ after 2 weeks due to incompatibility or my ‘emotional unavailability’, but because I saw an email Black Swan had sent to her ex just 2 weeks into our marriage talking about the sex she had with him and flirting with him. An ex she also vilified as a ‘sociopath’, months before on her blog. When I read this I felt something within me tear and I realised that I’d made a mistake in marrying her. She was not the person I had thought she was, and at the time we were in California to meet her publisher.
  • The situation with Gecko was only one of many. The Prague conference organiser (at that time hopelessly in love with her) was told while I went to get some drinks and returned to an awkward silence between a handful of people that they had a ‘past life connection, she was a queen and he was her king, also that she had dreamt of giving birth to his daughter’. All around 6 months into our marriage. It was another stab that confirmed to me that I needed to exit this marriage.  This sort of nonsense may seem laughable and innoccuous but when a person has undue influence on others, it is important to be mindful of the impact your words and actions have on people, and she knew the affect it would have on him. I will say to this gentleman, you don’t know it but you had a lucky escape, she would have destroyed you and you are now with a decent, honourable and kind woman, you have a much healthier relationship than you ever would have with Black Swan.
  • A very well known Hollywood actor ‘accidentally’ said he found her skype address as he said his stylist has the same name. I listened in the next room; as she was talking and he typed, they flirted with one another, talked about conspiracy theories, she was playing me down referring to me ‘as the guy I married’. They talked of skiing together in Park City – obviously one thing would have led to another, as it was the intention. She will do anything to achieve fame and an affair or infidelity (unless it happens to her) is insignificant. She was so desperate to talk to him she even offered to create a non disclosure agreement she would sign so HE felt comfortable talking to her. I was obviously tense and unhappy about this and many other things. BUT the perspective I had taken consciously after thinking through things very deeply was that which part of her is a damaged little girl and which part of her is a Narcissistic Sociopath? So, initially I took the perspective on this matter and others to ‘educate’ her. I let her know that movie stars have women throwing themselves at them at every turn, and they enjoy the fruits of their success. She is beautiful, yes receives much attention, but all attention is not good. In her mind she thought that by connecting with him, she could be elevated to the ‘A-list’ and in the end they spoke 2-3 times I think, then it fizzled out as far as I know. He went quiet as his wife became pregnant and gave birth to their second child and he did not contact her again while I was there, and she actually complained about this to me! My reply was a curt ‘Well I told you before he doesn’t give a fuck about you, his wife and children are more important to him, as they should be’. I feel writing this that I was possibly a pushover or being weak, I don’t think I am and I hope I don’t come across like that. I wanted to help her understand some of this behaviour and why it wasn’t ok, she literally didn’t get it. But of course when I flirted online with an old friend in London she was ‘devastated’. I did this sitting next to her, she ‘caught’ me and I wanted her to feel what it was like, perhaps this would make her understand the effect of this behaviour, but all it did was expose her selfishness and narcissism, as it was one rule for her and one for everyone else. There were many, many other instances. When we parted ways she actually was proud of herself that she didn’t cheat on me as she had never been faithful before to anyone. I told her ‘it’s nothing to be proud of, you are supposed to be faithful to your partner’. I had to watch her like hawk, and in the end I just decided I didn’t want to live like this, it’s not why I had married and I didn’t need the stress.
  • I was told very quickly by her that her long term housemate and COO was ‘in love with me for the past 12 years’, and she actually said to me that she ‘uses him when in between boyfriends’.
  • I am not ‘emotionally unavailable’, as published on her blogs. I had closed off to Black Swan as to have been emotionally vulnerable with her would be suicide. I had committed to a woman I had expected to have been my wife for the rest of my life. I went in knowing she had many problems and issues and had made a conscious decision to be there for her, a rock in the storminess of life, and her life in particular. What I did not expect was a constant undermining of myself, both public and private, and using her ‘community members’ to interfere in our marriage. Trying to charm then manipulate, then abuse and then finally use victimhood to get her way. All this was while I was watching over her so she can deliver on her ‘mission’.
  • Black Swan did not mention in her last blog that when I left for the UK at the end of March 2015, the purpose was for us to take 3 months apart, work on our marriage and decide to be together or part ways. She was desperately trying to make it work in many different ways, going to a therapist, booking a place for me at ‘The Landmark Forum’, even completing The Landmark Forum herself in April/May 2015 and falsely claiming in a blog that meditating for two hours every day had inspired her to reconcile with her parents, when in truth reconciling with family members is a key part of their curriculum. She was doing everything but looking at her own behaviour and changing it, and by the tone of her blogs it appears that the reconciliation did not last very long.
  • When I got back to London, deeply breathing in the cool crisp air with a touch of dampness, it was a familiar comfort to me. I slept for 4 days solidly, and I thought ‘Jeez, jetlag is really bad this time’. A good friend, former military man said to me ‘that’s not jetlag, it’s an adrenalin dump bruv’. And true to his words on the fifth day my whole body relaxed and became loose again. I had held so much tension, that I was not aware of. My movements felt fluid once more, how I had missed the fluidity of movement, and yet not even realised. A rash that developed on my right hand from stress had cleared up by itself in a week……………I could not ignore the information my body was feeding me…
  • Now, switching back to Black Swan. Around 10 days after my return she had a workshop in San Francisco, this being the home town of Gecko and his family. We spoke the morning of the workshop and I was aware that Gecko had ingratiated himself with her work there, ‘volunteering’ to organise the community house and ‘helping’ with arrangements and attending a meeting at Stanford University with the intention to have her speak there, I understand from her that he was insulted by the person they met and nothing came of the Stanford meeting. Now what is interesting is that everyone knew he was after her, so we knew not to leave her alone with him, because there is a vulnerability to her and if she feels cornered will she will to anything to appease her assailant. In the conversation before the workshop she told me that at a dinner Gecko ‘triggered’ her into a disassociative state as he informed her his favourite food is foie gras, how that admission can send someone into a ‘disassociated ’ state I don’t quite know and in a disgusted tone she also told me that he confessed to her that he had cheated on his wife 5 times in the past year. (While at the same time trying to get her to cheat on me). I never liked the guy and you’ve probably worked out why by now.
  • Fast forward to mid June and it was clear that we were not going to work, as on a personal level I didn’t like her, I hated her ego and her narcissism, her self obsession with her ‘emotions’ and ‘feelings’ as if nothing else mattered and no one else had emotions and feelings. I didn’t trust her anymore and I was rapidly losing respect for her. She hated my apathy and my ‘coldness’ and called me ‘British’, ‘pretentious’ and ‘emotionally unavailable’. Yes I am British and proud Brit, and yes I was emotionally unavailable to her as I was done with the soap opera aspect of the marriage. You can decide for yourself if I am ‘pretentious’, my writing will inform you well enough to have accurate discernment. I enjoyed working with her, loved the deal making and was preparing her for the world stage. She needed to clean up her act first though and I tried to help her understand that it is not about Fame, Money and being a Celebrity, but about helping people. Help the people and the fame, status and money will automatically come, should you desire it that badly…but don’t make it solely about that….in the long term it’s a recipe for disaster.
  • So, back to mid June – It looked like we were going to part ways and I wanted to do it with mutual love, kindness and respect, despite all that had happened. One way of doing this was to represent her to achieve the best deal possible from her publisher. She was offered a $25,000 advance for her first book with them and she was about to sign on an offer of $50,000 advance for ‘her’ second book, ‘The Completion Process’ (I will write a whole blog on the sorry saga of ‘her’ process another time). I told her ‘Stop!, Wait! Don’t sign, I’ll get you a much better deal than that. Let me talk to the book agent I’ll get you $100,000, I know I can do it’. I spoke with the agent and said look, I know we can get $100,000, she took a sharp intake of breath, and I told her the reasons why. Her brand is growing, the numbers, how ‘her’ process will be marketed and used and how it was intended to be the bedrock of her teachings, she’s young, we can get another 20-30 years from this book at least. I sent her 5 or 6 bullet points that I wanted her to use to persuade Black Swan’s publisher that she was worth betting on. I also told the agent I’d like to renegotiate her contract and why, she agreed to this and said this was not that unusual to do but that could we do this after the offer is finalised with the publisher? I said yes, of course. Over the next 2 weeks or so emails went back and forth and the publisher did increase their offer to $100,000. I knew they would. I wanted to hit the psychologically important six figure number, as we had now reached a new plateau, one that will, or should only lead to the same or a higher offer next time. It was an investment in an exciting, new, edgy prospect. The agent and I discussed her contract and as she was not responsible for securing the deal but her expertise was useful for the intricate aspects of the deal, I suggested cutting her fee from 15% of the advance and 15% royalties, to a flat 10% of the advance. My view was that Black Swan is worth investing in as a long term prospect and the agent agreed. I did this for Black Swan as it was an expression of love, to say that I care for you and for your best interests, we may not have worked as husband and wife but look, we can be kind and respectful to each other. I told her I did not want any money for this, just accept this as a gift from me. I could of course have asked for 5% or 10% and it easily would have justified my involvement.
  • Now what happened next truly surprised me. I saw a photo of her at the hairdresser on her instagram account, her eyes seemed cold and hard and I could see cruelty and disdain in her smirk as she looked at herself in the mirror. I know her well and my instincts knew it was because she had met someone. A little bit of a shock as it was literally a day or two after we had agreed that we had hit the three month deadline we had given ourselves. I didn’t really want to know much about her life, just that we should divorce with love and kindness, no one wants anything from the other, let’s just do this respectfully. A close friend who had believed in our union had worked out that she was now seeing Gecko, he told her ‘you tell Sarb, or I will’. I racked my brains to think who she could be with and it felt cheap and tasteless that we hadn’t even filed for divorce let alone signed the paperwork and her legs had already flown open. But, sadly I can’t say I was surprised. So my friend hinted that it was Gecko, his face had come across my vision momentarily, but I thought to myself ‘no way, she’s got more taste than that’. I had hoped it wasn’t him 1) Because we were still married and he was pursuing her during the course of the marriage, the message that gives out is awful. 2) He was viewed as a pot bellied, middle aged, mid level manager type trying to get in with a group of youngish hippy types, it seemed like someone’s dad had gate crashed the party. 3) Erm…his wife and children. 4) I hated the thought that deception, manipulation, trickery and treachery had worked, another awful message to put out into the world.

The real problem in the context of this situation is that she loves attention and adoration from wherever it comes and I could not and did not want to do anything about that. I just had to make a decision whether this was what I wanted in my life, and as you have gathered the answer is a definitive No. If it had not been him, it would have been someone from any handful of passers by that gave her attention, the only reason it is Gecko is because he was the most persistent, sending gifts and emails and finally she could not hold back any longer and she admitted that she had caved in through tears to a friend. The sad part is that she did suffer some child abuse and this has deeply damaged her ability to discern in relationships. Truth is, if she were a person with a high level of self worth, she would not be with him. She constantly used to insult him behind his back, then to do a complete 180 degree turn and claim now she is cured and this is the love of her life, does that sound like a balanced, healthy person?

She mentioned in her latest blog that she had attended SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous), implying she is now ‘sober’. She had attended 1-2 meetings and 3 at most last year, she is not cured, she’s deeply in the grip of her illness, and the most unconscious about it she has ever been. Having to insist a number of times on her blog that she’s sober is an indication of this. Like a drunk who stinks of booze, claiming they are now sober because they went to AA a couple of times. When I went back to London she was shattered and in truth she is still desperately hurt by our break up and like a scavenger, he fed on the rotten carcass of our relationship. She, like a junkie who was trying to sober up and I was really hoping this time she would make a healthy break, was trying to go cold turkey, I even found a residential retreat in California that she could attend for her illness. But, like a pimp, he waved the needle in front of her and in the end she just couldn’t hold off for long enough and the warm, glow of her addiction was pulsating back through in her body again.

It is a pity that she couldn’t just get on with her life and leave me alone to get off with my life. But, part of the illness is that in order to make herself ‘right’, I and others have to be ‘wrong’. ‘This time I am cured, my ex was just a part of my old damaged pattern and now I’m healthy and sober’. By implying and misleading there is something wrong me with, it absolves her of her own responsibility. Everyone knows things will crash hard this time, it’s so predictable, it’s boring, and I have done the best I can to distance myself from this inevitability.

She also lied once more on the latest blog when saying that she has broken her pattern and deliberately waited to get married this time. The fact is she couldn’t get married as she was still married up until a few weeks ago, our divorce only finalising in December, as did his. Each to their own, but no more manipulations or lies will be tolerated. If I am lying, then I openly invite Black Swan to publish the divorce certificate and prove me wrong.

I am saddened that things worked out the way that have done, and that she could not just get on with her life without the abuse. I had expected us to have been friends and remain on good terms for the rest of our lives and feel sad for her in her illness, but she has been so nasty and manipulative to me and others I have decided to step forward with this blog now, as it has been nearly a year since I left Utah and I am still being attacked, directly and indirectly. If she were just able to get on with her life without vilifying me I would not have written this blog, and the others that will follow. I’m also horrified how Gecko’s ex wife has been treated by him and Black Swan, why attack a mother of two kids who is rebuilding her life? That lady has been very dignified and noble in her silence. I think it is shameful to use a public platform, especially one intended to share spiritual teachings as a weapon to attack others.

So now I respond, and I will be responding in full.

I have ‘shadows’ too of course, I’ve never claimed to be perfect, and they have assumed that because I prefer privacy as opposed to an untruthful and misleading ‘openness’ that I would not respond or ever speak publicly, so in the future I will write frankly about my shadows and shortcomings and will explain why they were created in the hope that it can it can inspire and help others,  and also to save Black Swan the trouble of ‘exposing’ me.

I will now be addressing every time Black Swan lies, manipulates, deceives and exaggerates. I fully expect her to respond nastily, and certainly the desperate state of victimhood will be milked heartily: ‘Poor me, why did this happen to me, why has my ex husband joined my haters’. I am prepared for all eventualities. I will release a blog around once a week, as and when appropriate. This blog is an introduction, a flavour of things to come, and is longer than I expected it to be. I will release some documents that will authenticate and confirm what I write. I will give a voice to the voiceless, and I will expose lies, deceit and inauthenticity.

I will also be writing about much more interesting and useful topics, and will eventually focus only tumblr_static_colorful_abstract_background_on these topics, that enhance our life experience. These will include the ‘5 Minute Masterclass’ series, ‘Economy of Movement’, and a new take on ‘Honouring our Ancestors’ for example. I want you to join me on this journey. Pursuing fame and posting photos of myself doesn’t interest me, I’m interested in sharing this journey with like minded people and seeing what emerges from this, and where it leads us. I also feel a responsibility to honour the legacy of my dear friend and teacher, Stuart Wilde. I will pay respect to his teachings.

Finally, Thankyou to all the people that have written to me asking me to speak, write and to create a platform. I have done this because you have asked me. Thankyou for your emails and messages of support. It is remarkable to me to still receive daily messages from people from all over the world, having never met and to receive so much kindness and warmth  from complete strangers. I endeavour to reply to each and every person, forgive me if I have not done so yet.

I’ll develop this site, and if you want to keep in touch, receive updates and take part in discussion, please click on this link: Sarb Swan.

Now, let the games begin.

See you around.

Sarbdeep Swan